Hermans and Webbers

I’m introducing two terms, Hermans and Webbers, to the greater rabble. Look just play along.

A Herman is a male who is completely artless at the art of social interaction, especially when sexy time is desired. A Herman is closely related to a geek or nerd but isn’t necessarily good at anything like science, math, or Star Trek. A typical Herman move is to wait just outside a club bathroom for the object of desire to come out, then make small talk. This actually happened.

A Webber is a white person. The term is based on Webers Bread which is mass producingly cheap, uniform, pasty, and tasteless. And white people love it, or loved it. It suits white people perfectly.

Wournal

I dislike the term blog. It sounds like something you’d sneeze or cough out. It’s on the meter of hate with the word ‘gastropub.’ Now there’s a sexy word that’ll make you hungry. Blog, groan. The word grew out of the phrase ‘web log,’ which to me isn’t an accurate discription of what web publishing is about. Fucking Hermans. People aren’t ‘logging’ their opinions or views, they’re publishing. Putting your desperate spawn on-line is publishing. Logging is something lumberjacks and book keepers do. And I bet few people would want to read a literal log of your daily hurly-burly:

“Got up at 7:30 am, took a dump, took a shower, ate a bagel and drank some coffee. Drove 20 miles in 78 minutes to work. Listened to the radio. Sat in front of a computer for 6 hours pushing pixels around. Had two tacos and a 32 oz. Coke for lunch. Drove 20 miles back home. Had baked chicken and brocolli for dinner. Watched 4 episodes of Longmire. Went to sleep. Repeat.”

Compelling shit that. Some people might want to read that. I’m not one of them. So, logging doesn’t define what is happening to me. But there you go. Blogging, like clogging, dogging, or flogging.*

“Sliding out of a warm bed to perform the weekly ritual of post-modern consumer-culture toil is begining to wear me thin. Very. To the point the whole ritual of smaller rituals, things I’ve just done every day of my life, are wearing me thin. ‘Should a scrub my feet or my face first. Fenel or Peppermint tooth paste? Today, I’ll start with the top left molars’ It’s really difficult making the morning consitutional interesting. It didn’t used to matter. After 10 years of going to the same job at the same place, a blur of bloodless consistencies, now it does.”

Anyway. I’m proposing a different term. Wournal. A web journal, just to be different. It’s my way, you know. It’s closer to the truth than blog. Plus, the word isn’t any weirder than the term “Blog” and the extended term Wournalist is on par with Blogger. I’m surprised that terms like selps, subbers, webbers, or webbals didn’t come about. The word Subber, Self Publisher, is just as weird as Blogger. And some of these sound like good insults. “Fucking webber, can’t you sub at home?” I guess Blog is just as good in that regard, “Fucking blogger, can’t you blog at home?”

Whatever. I’m just wournaling. Blogging, ickt. Stupid Hermans.

*Put those three terms in context. I dare you, pussy.